cleverness

I recently received a telegram from my old friend Carinci Repi. Be careful though -- Repi is dangerous.

Normally I'm not one to replicate ad nauseum those chain letters and humourous telegrams that dimwitted acquaintances are always sending, but this collection of stellar wordplay demonstrates a keen wit and genuine pith.

I have taken the liberty of removing those entries which I did not find funny.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it. [Von Mustard note -- This word was seriously lacking from our vocabulary. I find myself in this unfortunate circumstance quite often]

10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an
asshole.