i've been really weak lately

Since I got back from the holidays, I've just been going, going, going.

I feel really terrible that there are a couple of people that I haven't talked to in over a month; and others, for more. Ugh! Like Tray! I'm also very thankful that people call me and are patient enough to wait for a return call; or impatient, and call again. I love that and it comforts me more than you know.

At this late hour, I have just had dinner. It's the story of my life lately. I know that all this will pass and I'll have time for the things that are more...well...selfishly important to me. But man, am I ever stretched to the limit!

Today was especially taxing. I'm so thankful for what turned out to be a great weekend in which I actually found myself at a high, then a terrible low, then at the Rivoli for great music and dancing. I even managed to see my family for a bit. It did wonders for me and made me stop thinking about work. If I hadn't furtively decided not to work at all this weekend, I don't think I could have handled today very well.

There are a number of situations to deal with. It's all so emotionally exhausting---an endurance test for my brain. Lately, as I listen to people's stories, I worry that I'll cry with them. I haven't, thankfully. Being in the situation isn't so bad. I focus and there isn't a moment of panic. Afterwards, though, I'm tired all over.

I actually think that the only reason I no longer feel the muscle pain from break practice is because my brain doesn't have room for it anymore. I was in pain until 5 pm, when the more serious stuff began. A couple of hours later, barely there.

I feel like I'm going through an indefinite cycle of being kneaded, flipped over, and being kneaded some more. And not in a massage kind of way. (I hate my mouse! It's doing all kinds of strange things, like dragging and dropping without being asked, and escaping off the screen!)

Ok. I will sleep now. But before that...thanks to my bestest friends in the whole entirestness of the universe, who listen to me talk about work (which I really, really try not to do, but then don't know what else to say) and have to deal with my emotions of late.

by Sam Brown, explodingdog